Navigating Fear and Stress
When I meet new people, I try to avoid the topic of being a minister’s wife. It is not because I am ashamed of who I married (I am actually proud to be married to my husband), but rather, I fear that they will get the wrong idea about who I am or what my background has been. People tend to assume that a minister’s wife is a woman who grew up in the church, had loving parents, a picture-perfect childhood, and has been a Christian all her life. Struggles? Maybe with which perfect Ken doll to marry but no real personal hardships to overcome. But for me, this could not be farther from the truth.
The home I grew up in was godless. While we occasionally attended church, we certainly were not Christians. My mom and dad got divorced when I was born. My father was an absent alcoholic who was more interested in booze and drugs than spending time with his children. My mother was a lonely and desperate woman focused on satisfying her own needs rather than those of her children. She brought home a string of boyfriends and has been married several times. Our home environment was verbally, physically, emotionally, and sexually abusive. At age 14 I ran away for the first time (first ride in a police cruiser—ONLY ride in a police cruiser) and by age 15 I left again—for good.
When I was 16 I worked two part-time jobs, attended high school, rented my first apartment, and struggled to make it financially. I was hungry all the time. The only times I ate were when I was working at a family owned restaurant because I could have a free meal during my shift or when a friend would invite me over for dinner. In July of the summer before my senior year, I realized that I needed to seek out help if I wanted to graduate from high school. Out of desperation I reached out to a Christian family and asked if they could help provide shelter and food for me so that I could finish school. Their love, generosity, and support made it possible for me to graduate– with honors!
Choosing to attend college would change my life. During my time at Northern Michigan University, I discovered Christ and surrendered my life to him. Even after choosing to become a Christian, it would be years before I would begin to understand the depth of God’s grace and learn to walk in it (I am still learning how to do this better).
At the age of 21 I married my best friend, Mitch, and we have served in campus ministry for the past 23 years. During this time, (the past 14 years) we have run a discipleship program for college students out of our home. While I love students and will continue to serve in these roles, I feel God has called me to serve him in a new way.
Presently, I have founded a non-profit organization, Joyful Journeys, to help Christian women pursue Christ more passionately by providing coaching, accountability, and encouragement to them as God moves and works in their lives. The focus of Joyful Journeys is on who they are becoming rather than on what they are doing. So often we get hung up on what is happening in the now that we lose focus of what God has for us later, in eternity. This destiny perspective leaves room for the work of the Holy Spirit and allows us freedom to make mistakes as we learn to live and walk at the pace of grace.
Fear + Stress = Ineffective
Stress and fear are strong emotions that are closely related and can be caused by numerous things: concern, alarm over danger, instability, the unknown, etc. If left unchecked, they can influence us spiritually, emotionally, and physically and render us ineffective at home, in the workplace, and in the Kingdom of God.
To develop a proper understanding of fear, we need to differentiate between two different types: fear of the world and fear of the Lord.
The fear of the Lord is a healthy form of fear that Christians should have. This is the awe or reverence that we possess for God because he is an awesome God. It acknowledges who he is, what he has done for us, and reminds us that apart from him, we have nothing. This is not just respect, but FEAR! A healthy fear of the Lord is necessary for us to remember our position before God.
The fear of the world is a fear that Christians should not have. If we belong to God, then there is nothing in this world that we should be afraid of. What is the worst thing that could happen to us here? Death?! Is death really so bad if we get to spend eternity with Christ? (Philippians 1:21). As Christians we need to keep ourselves in check and make sure that when we experience fear and stress, we keep an eternal perspective in mind.
Peter is a really good example of what we can do when we are focused on Christ and what happens when we succumb to fear. Peter had been in the presence of Jesus, walked miles by his side, sat at his feet, listened to him teach, and even witnessed his miracles. Yet, when he is in the boat (Matthew 14:22-34) and Jesus beckons Peter to walk with him on the water, what does he do? At first, Peter walks on the water with Jesus! But when Peter takes his eyes off Jesus, he no longer sees the one who can save him. Peter becomes distracted by the waves, the wind, his friends in the boat, and chaos around him and he begins to sink! As Christians, we are often guilty of doing the same thing as Peter. We get distracted by life and forget about the eternal perspective. I bet it would be safe to say that in that moment, Peter feared the elements of this world more than God and felt some stress. I know I would have. (I probably would have never gotten out of the boat)!
When we experience fear and/or stress, it is because, like Peter, we have taken our eyes off God. Fear and stress reveal areas in our lives that we have not totally surrendered, and it is a good indication of the level of intimacy that we have with God in those areas of our lives.
Given the present climate of our culture, many people (Christians included) have been operating out of fear and creating stress in their lives due to the Coronavirus pandemic. While I believe we should be responsible and honor those who govern us (Romans 12:1-5), I do not think that Christians should be operating out of fear. Honestly, what is the worst thing that could happen? DEATH. Is death really so bad if we are Christians? We should be thrilled to be with our Maker. Instead, we fear and have stress over what we cannot control. We become upset that our plans are interfered with and fail to have an eternal perspective.
Let’s just be clear about something. I do not desire to die. I want to see my youngest son graduate in the spring. I want to watch my children grow into young men who honor God, get married, have kids (hopefully) and spoil those potential grandkids rotten—and then send them back to their parents! HOWEVER, if God wants me to join him in heaven and not see any of those things, who am I to question his motives?!
I think the real question is: Who am I going to serve? Am I going to serve God or my fear (which leads to stress)? When we are focused on our fears, it distracts us from our relationship with God. When we learn to turn our lives completely over to God and trust in His plan, God returns to his rightful place as Lord of our lives and he grants us peace.
Do you know that scripture tells us, “Do not fear” or, “Do not be afraid” 366 times? If you think about it, that is one admonition for every day of the year, including leap year! God does not want us to be preoccupied with fear. We must learn to work with God and allow him to remove fear’s control over us!
As we mature in our relationship with Christ, our worldly fear should fade and our fear of the Lord should increase. While we are told not to fear (or be afraid), the one thing we are told to fear is God! Here are just a few examples that are found in scripture.
Psalm 33:8 Let all the earth fear the Lord; let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of him!
Deuteronomy 10:12 And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you, but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to keep the commandments and statutes of the Lord, which I am commanding you today for your good?
Psalm 111:10 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all those who practice it have a good understanding. His praise endures forever!
We are not supposed to be afraid because we have been redeemed by God.
Isaiah 43:1-3 But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
As the redeemed of God, we are told what the result of this holy fear will be.
Proverbs 1:7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.
Proverbs 14:26, 27 In the fear of the Lord one has strong confidence, and his children will have a refuge, The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life, that one may turn away from the snares of death.
Psalm 86:10-13 For you are great and do wondrous things; you alone are God. Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name. I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart, and I will glorify your name forever. For great is your steadfast love toward me; you have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol.
A healthy fear of God helps us to eliminate other fears and stressors in our lives.
Satan is constantly on the prowl, looking for ways to distract you and me (1 Peter 5:8). Fear is an effective tool that Satan uses to cast doubt on God’s love for us. When we question God’s love for us, stress increases in our lives and we become increasingly distracted from what God is doing.
I John 4:18,19 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us.
Learning to navigate fear and stress can be challenging for anyone. As Christians, we need to acknowledge when there is fear or stress in our lives and address it rather than giving it power over us. Fear and stress have a purpose and are intended to operate as warning signs! It is in these moments that we need to learn to turn to God and trust him. For example, look at how Christ lived. If there was anyone who had to deal with stress and fear, it was him! When Christ was taking all of the fear and stress of the world upon himself, what did he do? His first response was to turn to his heavenly Father—to gain his perspective. We see this when Jesus is in the wilderness, when he could have been overwhelmed by the crowds, and when he is in Gethsemane…and even when he hung on the cross! When we experience fear and stress, God wants us to follow Christ’s example and focus on him and rely on his strength rather than our own.
Four action steps anyone can take to learn to cope with fear.
1. Take Inventory
Fear operates as a signal to alert us that something is wrong. Pausing to assess the situation and consider the source of our fear/stress helps us to gain clarity over the situation. We need to train ourselves to as questions like, “Why am I responding in this manner? Is this of God or Satan?” Taking a moment to be mindful of what we feel and why we feel it, helps us to clearly evaluate the situation and determine the source. Being able to give a name to what is creating fear in you will help you with the next step.
2. Seek Truth
Go to God in prayer and ask him to show you his perspective. God’s perspective is necessary if we are to respond wisely in any situation. We always have options (though they can be clouded by fear/stress), but as Christians, we want to make sure that we choose the option that honors God.
3. Search Scripture
Scripture is a great place to find comfort and direction. God’s word is truth (John 17:17) and we can trust it 100% of the time. When life is chaotic and unpredictable, comfort and direction can be found in God’s word.
One thing I like to do is to ask God to show me what lie I am believing and to help me replace it with his truth. I will write scripture on notecards and post them around the house or carry them in my pocket or purse. Then, when I am tempted, I can read these as quick reminders of God’s truth and love. The perk of doing this is that after reading a verse several times, you begin to store it in your heart.
Psalm 56:3,4 When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?
4. Share Your Situation
Whether it is stress, fear, or any other issue, there is much to be gained by sharing it with a close friend.
Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.
Proverbs 17:17 A brother is born for adversity.
God never intended for us to live this life alone! We were designed to live in community and to have fellowship with others. Yet, some of us are guilty of trying to make Christianity a solo sport by walking alone. Sharing our struggles with another person opens up the possibility for prayer, encouragement, and accountability. Don’t get upset with your friends for not being supportive if you are not willing to be vulnerable—it is two-way street. There are many times I would have given in to fear and stress if not for a friend who cheered me on.
Daily routines matter.
I didn’t use to think that it mattered when I spent time with God, as long as I did at some point during the day. However, I have learned otherwise. I have learned that If I wait to acknowledge God, his presence, and his purposes until later in the day, then I often miss out on what he had planned for me to do (because I was so focused on my own agenda)! When we attempt to live in our own strength and wisdom, we miss out on the most important things.
Learning to start my day in a posture of prayer has changed me. This is a time where I intentionally focus on what God is trying to say to me. Yes, I still ask for things—but I have learned to ask for God’s will over mine, God’s wisdom in place of my knowledge, and God’s strength in place of my weakness. When I start my day in this manner, I give back to God what he has given to me and am more likely to be sensitive to his leading throughout the day. It is on the days that I am too rushed to pray that I am the most ineffective in what I do.
Not convinced about when you should meet with God? Consider King David; he often prayed in the mornings. One example of this is Psalm 5 where David asked God to give him the strength and joy he needed to make it through the day. The first three verses say:
Psalm 5: 1-3 Give ear to my words, O Lord; consider my groaning. Give attention to the sound of my cry, my King and my God, for to you do I pray. O Lord, in the morning you hear my voice; in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch.
Starting the day in prayer helps me to stay focused on the important things. I am a list person and love to accomplish things (so I can check them off). While my list can be an effective tool, it can also be a distraction. I have learned to put God above my list and to even allow him to add to it. This gives me the freedom to NOT check an item on the list IF God intervened in my daily plans. I have learned to leave space for God to move—to show me how to love others, and to be obedient to Him. Honestly, when my list was most important, God’s list went undone. In my mind, it could wait…it is embarrassing to admit but it is true.
If we do not plan our days and structure them with God in mind, we run the risk of missing what he has planned for us to do (not really a risk that I want to take). This goes back to the idea of having a healthy fear of God. If I am going to have any other fear in my life, I want it to be of not pleasing God! When I am focused on Him, everything else falls into place—what normally would be seen as overwhelming (as stressors or fear), no longer has power over me. How about you? How do you want to spend your days? I pray that you choose to let Christ rule in your heart and mind (Colossians 3:15) and that fear does not take hold of you.